just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
