APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
