So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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