OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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