I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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