Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
