You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
