So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
