I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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