I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
