Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
