The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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