1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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