Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
