My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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