I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
