i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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