I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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