Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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