If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
