Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
