Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
