I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
