Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
