I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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