apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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