from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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