i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
