You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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