I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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