So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
