I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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