4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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