New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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