i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
