why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
