this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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