Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
