Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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