If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
