Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You smell like stripper and shame
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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