I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
