So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
