I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
