There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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