girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize