Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
