Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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