I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
