So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
