i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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