The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
