Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
