Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
