Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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