so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
