Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize