uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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