What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize