Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
