I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
