operation harelip BJ is a go
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
